Monday, April 11, 2011

Time To X-PLODE!!

April 1, 2010 by Alex Flippin

So one of my friends, who’s in pretty good shape and will remain nameless because there is absolutely no reason for that to go to his head anymore than it always has, told me he was interested in trying out a new workout supplement called NO Xplode. If you’re not familiar, good for you…but having half assed my way through the first phase of P90X (and I mean HALF ASSED), I decided I could use the boost provided by NO Xplode.
I mean come on. I’m clearly a prime candidate for this product. Take a look at some of the fine gentlemen featured in one of their ads.

Now take a look at a recent picture of your’s truly.

As you can see, my Chuck E. Cheese Tri-Delt function T-shirt can barely contain all the muscles that make up my amazing physique. Sometimes sarcasm doesn’t come through too well in writing, so I’d like to point out that my last comment was wrought with it.
Another thing worth noting in the picture above; the two high caffeine energy drinks in my hand. Rockstar Lemonade flavored, no sugar added energy drinks to be exact. I love them and can take down several in a row without blinking an eye. Well, after a couple I’m pretty sure my eyes do blink. Just so quickly that it can’t be seen with the naked eye. For instance after spending the day swilling these drinks and chomping on energy gum, my buddy asked me if I’d like him to take the wheel while I drove down the interstate so that I could just run alongside the car. My point is, I’m not immune to the effects of these awesome beverages, but I can hold my own.
Enter NO Xplode.

This stuff packs a punch. It’s full of caffeine and a bunch of other stuff that’s supposed to “amp up your workout.” The instructions on the back suggest you take a half dose and wait thirty minutes to “assess your tolerance.” Good idea as it ends up.  Around minute fifteen, I already noticed that I was about to pop out of my skin. I’m talking like super amped. I knew seconds before my cell phone was about to ring. I could hear the thoughts of my cat. Nothing too interesting by the way. Just stuff like, “I’m starving” and “where should I go to fall asleep after I wake up from my 17th nap of the day?”. But that’s neither here nor there. Strong stuff.
Having assessed my tolerance, I decided to take the full dose (as instructed), wait thirty more minutes (as instructed) and begin my workout. HOL-Y CRAP. The workout wasn’t any easier. Just scarier. In a, “I have to continue working out or I might ’X-Plode’ but my heart might explode at any moment anyway” kind of way.
For the record, I am not writing this BLOG from the grave, so nothing exploded…but man. Today I’m hitting up round two of the ole X-Plode.  The overall goal? Arms like this fella.

HA! I’m totally just kidding, but this pic isn’t altered at all! The guy took some crap called Synthol. It’s a “posing oil” for competition bodybuilders. Blech! I’m already enough of a poser.
BLOG 3 out y’all.

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