Halloween Aftermath

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. When I was a kid I, of course, loved tricking or treating but scaring other kids was the real draw. I'd spend days setting up my "home haunt." My grandmother was my number one cohort. She'd bring some creepy costume to wear and I'd rig up something to scare the kids before they got to the door, where she'd take over by creeping them out. We have always been an amazing Halloween team.

So in the early years I was a trick or treater, in the middle years (age 10-25) I was a trick or treater scarer, then I was more of a costumed party thrower or goer and this year I was an adult! Even I'm a little shocked by that last statement. This Halloween was made up of pumpkin carving, chaperoning kids and inspecting candy. Again, I'm still a little shocked I'm allowed to wield a knife, be responsible for children or the safety of what they eat. Times, they are a changing.

The pumpkin end of things was so so. I've never been one to use the jack-o-lantern stencils that are so popular. My mom always said that if you were going to create something, you should should be creative. No offense to folks that use the stencils. Those things are cool. I've just always enjoyed coming up with it on my own. I did start college as an art major after all, but as you'll quickly be able to tell - switching majors was a smart decision.

 This is my first attempt at a 3D pumpkin carving. Meh. It did win second place in a contest but that's just first loser right? It's tough to make out, but my second attempt is there in the group pic. It's a half jack-o-lantern, half zombie face. Meh.

The other pumpkins were painted, carved and crafted by the Harvey girls. They didn't have to use sculpting tools, and as you can see...it made for some much better looking pumpkins. Oh well. I'll practice a little in the off season.
Prior to the pumpkin carving extravaganza we had to find just the right ones. A search that took us to Wild Things Farm. It's a cool place located somewhere in Oklahoma. I'd never done the whole corn maze thing (should be spelled 'maize' don't ya think?) so this was a first for me.

The maze part of the pumpkin picking experience started with a ten minute hay ride. That I'd done before, but never with better company than these two. Loves them! The maze ended up being pretty complicated. I went high, Sascha went low.

This picture wasn't planned or posed for in any way. Captain Morgan is a distant relative of mine. They call me Captain Moron.

I always hate the pictures you get when you ask a stranger to snap it for you, but all in all I think this lady did a pretty good job. Too much head room, but that just showcased the corn. Hats off to strangers you meet in corn fields. Ignore everything you ever learned from watching horror movies, get a good photo. Quote me on that.

The Halloween season came to a close like any other for those pretending to be adults for the first year ever. Trick or treating. Heather (the hot red head) and I took Sascha (the cute short one) along with my niece, nephew and Heather's nephew. I think the line-up was Vampiress, Freddy Krueger, Ghost Cow and Futuristic Military Guy.

I went as Dexter the serial killer serial killer, but there are no pics of that. Needless to say, I nailed it but no one that I ran into knew I was in costume because Dexter just looks like a guy. So, I pulled off "guy." Thankfully, not tough to do. The lady working the counter at the gas station the other day was pulling it off too, so I'm not getting too big a head about it. I spent last Halloween in Houston visiting haunted restaurants and going to nationally known haunted house attractions. It was a blast! This Halloween I stayed at home and hung out with kids and pumpkins. It was the best Halloween ever.

I think my next blog will be food related in honor of Thanksgiving. Hmmmm, maybe I'll finally write that blog about candied bacon brownies I keep promising. Should probably perfect the recipe first though. The last one made a kid cry. That's not a joke. He actually cried. Maybe I'll just write about this new coffee I like.

Survival Trip 2.5

As some of you may know, my good friend Scott and I got on a "Survivorman" kick a few years back. You may remember the show. A guy named Les Stroud would head off into the wild and

survive on nothing for a week or so. Not like Bear Grylls. I know you know who that guy is. He drinks his own urine from snakes' skins, interacts with wild animals placed in the wild by animal trainers hired by Discovery Channel producers and pretends to stay out in the wild even though he actually hikes back to town with his camera crew and sleeps in comfy hotel rooms until it's time to go back out and pretend to survive off the land.

Les Stroud is the real deal though. No camera crew. No faking. Just a Canadian musician/filmmaker who does it all himself and survives. So, we were inspired and planned a couple of trips of our own to see if we could survive on nothing. We work though, so the trips don't last quite as long. I video blogged half of the first one, which can be seen here, before the trip took a less than favorable turn. I ended up with an inch long scar on my leg to forever remind me of the failed ten mile canoe trip and I'm pretty sure Scott's pride took an equally long lasting hit. We did survive and we even caught our own food and collected and boiled our own water. Basically we just went through the motions and didn't die of dysentery, though a dramatic canoe tipping in 40 degree water did almost do us in.

Never-the-less, we set out to redeem ourselves about a year later. That was in the form of an eight mile hike through the woods. I'll save you the play by play. I rolled my ankle on the second day and we had a couple of girls pick us up on some country road we found. I ended day two by sitting on a couch with my foot propped up on pillows and watching football. Best survival trip ever.

The wild, having put us in our place for another year or so, once again called our names. Last week we decided to recreate the same trip and set out on another eight mile hike through the woods. This was redemption time and redeem we did. If you're at work and don't have a lot of time to read, then you should just stop now knowing we made it through. A little battered and bruised, but we kicked the wild's butt and here goes the play by play.

We always try to take a before and after pic, just to show how our smiling faces transform into hateful begrudging grimaces by the end of the trip. So we started true to form.

Prepared to embrace the wild!





We hiked for probably five miles before stopping





for lunch. I know, I know, how are we

"surviving in the wild" if we had lunch? We split a two year old MRE (meal ready to eat). It was gross. A whole lot of stuff comes in those little packs though. The chicken breast had the consistency of tuna fish. I only had a couple of bites before I gave up. Scott powered through. His favorite part was the jalapeno cheese spread. It really wasn't all that bad.

Don't let Scott's face fool you. He ate that stuff up with vigor. Unfortunately, one of the things he had to eat it on was a piece of bread that is meant to stay fresh for YEARS! A little suspect if you ask me. There was an apple crisp bar included in the pack though and it was delicious and we ate the whole meal under this overhanging cliff that sat next to the river. It was beautiful and the hour we took to eat the meal was well appreciated.

 Even though we were in the middle of nowhere, we were next to a river and figured someone had picked this spot to take a break from canoeing several months back. We found some chalk drawings dated June 26th, 2011. I know this girl who absolutely hates the phrase, "Live, Laugh, Love" and I was quick to take this pic of almost that exact phrase written on the side of a cliff five miles into the woods.

What are the chances? We were just talking about this a few hours earlier and here it was. Priceless. I should point out that Scott planned our route through the mountains and assured me that there would be very few hills based on his expert planning skills.

If you look into the distance of this pic, you'll see the three or four hills that we'd already traversed. We had to veer a little off of our original route in order to enjoy the picturesque location where we'd had our "lunch." So, in Scott's defense, these massive and steep hills I was forced to trek up and down carrying a 60 lb backpack were not in the original plan and the riverside dining was well worth it BUT...

The hills in front of me in this shot. The ones that span as far as the eye can see. These hills were in his plan and weren't something I had been made privy to. Sometimes I love Scott. Sometimes I don't. You tell me which one of those thoughts are going through my head here.

I'll give you a hint. I was not very happy but it was tough to be too mad because it was a beautiful day and, even though it was hill after hill as far as the eye could see, those hills were a pretty amazing sight. I'll call it a push.

We ended up hiking about six miles that day. Probably more when you consider all the zigging and zagging. There aren't a whole lot of straightaways in the woods. The hope was that by 5pm we'd make it to a big group of pine trees we'd seen on Google Earth when Scott planned the trip. 5pm hit and we were there. Right on schedule we'd cleared a spot out in the woods, set up our tents and built a fire.

Scott then built a survivor style Lazy Boy from a log, a tree and his backpack as the Rangers threw our the first pitch against Detroit. Having constant connection to all things sports related, Scott had the small radio he carries along on all our survival trips. It's a small convenience. Don't judge us.

The fire was nice, it was a crisp clear night and the Rangers stomped the Tigers. That made Scott happy. I really didn't care, but I was tired and just happy to sit for more than an hour. We would only have a few miles to hike out in the morning, so once Scott crashed out I listened to some old 90s rock on the tiny little radio and went to "bed" earlier than I ever had on any camping trip ever.

Nothing too eventful occurred. We heard an armadillo making its way into our campsite and after half a month of watching horror movies in preparation for Halloween, I have to admit it was a little unnerving as I scrambled for my flashlight. I think the armadillo was a little more scared though. You should have seen the look on his face! Very apologetic for scaring me though. Armadillos are good people.

The next day started early. We tuned in a little NPR and "enjoyed" a little breakfast.

For bacon and eggs with the instructions, "add boiling water and stir," these were surprisingly on the good side of edible.

 I warned you that this BLOG post wouldn't be brief! On the way out, we saw dozens of lizards, suffered through some of the densest woods and the most gnats I have ever encountered in my life. We sweat buckets and ran into two turtles. It's almost impossible to get them to smile.

More than once while sporting my best zombie makeup, I've been heard going on about how "I like turtles." Sometimes they're just jerks though.



That aside though, we made it out. We traveled almost the exact route we'd intended and we exited the woods in the EXACT spot we were supposed to. Less than one hundred yards from where we put the hike behind us was Scott's wife waiting to whisk us back to the city life. We survived and we don't even look that upset in the after picture.

WARNING!! THE PICTURE BELOW IS GROSS! SCROLL DOWN AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

Eight + miles is a pretty long hike through underbrush and fallen trees. That doesn't even account for the countless hills and all that with a 60lb backpack strapped to my back. It's roughly the equivalent of having a fourth grader hang on your back and relentlessly strangle you for two days. As it ends up this can result in impressive blisters on both of your feet.

Didn't roll my ankle though! Leave 'em wanting more! Now that's how you end a BLOG!!

I Like Turtles...and Filthy Disgusting Mattresses

So I know it's been well over a month since my last BLOG post, but don't think that in that time I haven't been collecting BLOG material. In fact, I've collected so much, this one's going to be a bit of a mish mash.

So it's finally Summer! 

And Fayetteville is a fantastic place to be taking it all in. The students are, for the most part, gone and that means your chances of seeing a 45 year old man playing beer pong as you walk down Dickson Street have skyrocketed! So there's that.

Summer also means I end up saving a lot of turtles. I was always a fan of the teenage mutant ninja variety so maybe that explains my affinity for saving them. Check out this old boy.

I can't totally take credit for "saving" him. He was scary. Look at those claws! I less "saved" him and really more "scooted" his life to the side of the road with my foot.

Moving on. If you're in the market for an ideal mattress, I've got just the place for you. The Ideal Mattress Manufacturing Company of course.

I assume that when one makes the decision to open up a new business choosing the name of that business can probably be an agonizing chore. You want it to drum up business, be appealing to the audience you hope to sell your merchandise to, etc.

I am, however, doubting that the folks at Ideal Mattress really had that problem though. Why? Because they sell mattresses that are so clearly and obviously "ideal." You be the judge

I know right? These beauties are so impeccably ideal! Plus, I'm guessing they're also priced to move which should be appealing to just about everyone. No need to thank me if you've been on the look out for a new mattress. Their phone number can be found in the first picture.

FAILS

Now let's move on to fails for the last month. Need to get a big crowd to your next "pro wrestling" event? Easy! Just go all out and get a really professional sign made up to let everybody know about it!

Then throw it on the ground of a parking lot. This plan is a success story in the making. Marketing at its finest. I'd go as far as to say it's ideal.

Here's my Weather Channel app fail for the month. I'm hoping the guy who changes the icon depicting the weather conditions at your current location was at least reprimanded for this one. I can attest that it was neither sunny in Van Buren, nor was it going to be when this pic was snapped. It should have been an icon of me standing outside an Auto Zone in the pouring rain trying to figure out how to attach my new wipers. I've since had an icon drawn up for this and sent it to the Weather Channel app people...I've not heard back.

Here's a fail that should turn your stomach. If you're a fan of Sassy's in Fayetteville stop reading now. Hands down they have the BEST patio in Northwest Arkansas. U.S. Pizza coming in a distant second. Don't start talking to me about Jose's either. A great patio is more than just atmosphere. It also requires good food. Sorry Jose's. You'll probably never make the best patio list.

Sassy's has some great offerings. The BBQ chicken nachos are unreal! Plus, I like the name. Sassy's. Anyway, in addition to some awesome grub, they have some pretty awesome BBQ sauces too. Especially if you don't have problems with flies. Problems like the diseases they may or may not carry, where they lay their eggs or the types of things you can imagine they probably spend their day around. One of those things; Sassy's BBQ sauce bottles!

Mmmmmm mmmmm mmmm! Delicious! Next time I'm going to request they go light on the flies though. It was good, but you CAN have too much of a totally disgusting thing. Ya know?
Please also notice, that there is another fly on/in the bottle to the back right. Really? Do I have to say delicious again?? Surely I've already sold you on this Summer delicacy.

Finally I leave you with some men's room art. This little jewel comes to us from Rolando's in Fort Smith. If you haven't been to one of the three Rolando's in Arkansas, GO. The food is amazing. I'd never been to the Fort Smith location until this past week. I had an AMAZING time, but that's neither here nor there. We're supposed to be talking bathroom art...and here it is.

Is there something about this painting that isn't glorious? Every other painting in the men's room was completely mundane and ordinary. But then there was this guy. Absolutely worth whatever anyone who sold it would want to charge. Not saying I'd pay it, but I would apparently feel compelled to BLOG about it.

Hope this one kept you reading. Next one will be much sooner and I'll give you a little teaser now - we'll be discussing The Candied Bacon Brownie Incident as it will henceforth be known. See ya then...